It's your choice

Humans live by making choices. The history of our species is defined by the choices we make. Wars waged over the choices of certain individuals, people losing their wealth over their choices in investments even our day-to-day routine is defined by the choices we make. By now it should be pretty clear that making choices is just as important to our survival as breathing, eating or mating. If you look closely, you learn a funny thing about choices. When we make them, we think nothing of it at the time and go on about our lives. However there comes a time when we must face the consequence of said choice. For a small choice, the moment of truth comes relatively sooner (like oversleeping and missing a class), these, in my opinion, are the less dangerous choices because we deal with them in a way that harms nobody else. It’s true, think about it…

The larger the choices we make, the longer it takes to face the consequences. If I had to pick a reason, it would be that we try to convince ourselves we made the right choice until the moment we snap. It could also be because we see everything as normal until we see the damage it has caused on the inside. Regardless of the reason, the moment of reckoning for larger choices come a lot slower. This is the reason why these choices are the more dangerous ones we make as the way we deal with them may sometimes hurt us and sometimes even other people. I find the reactions to these choices interesting as the impact it has on people depends on the choice they made. If you don’t mind, I would like to give you an example to demonstrate this.

Person A makes a sacrifice for the benefit of Person B. At the time it seems like noble deed with no expectation of gratitude. Depending on the relationship between A and B, this sacrifice could be seen as anything from an instinctive action to an obligation (for A). At the time, the two think nothing of it. Days go by, months go by and sometimes even years go by and neither of them have brought up the sacrifice. All seems well on the surface but one day A and B have a falling out which turns pretty ugly. In the middle of the fight A says, “How dare you do this despite what I have done for you!” which leaves B stunned. A goes on about their sacrifice and how B is acting ungrateful. An onlooker would think that the explosion was caused by the fight. While this may be true, I feel that A always felt this way all along. Kind of like an open gas cylinder, it was leaking out, filling the room waiting for a single spark to set it off. At this point, I ask you, what was the spark in this case?

The spark was human emotion. The fight did not get ugly, A would never had to bring up the sacrifice. However, because A was engulfed by rage, they let out the thoughts they had held in them for all this time onto B. It led to their moment of reckoning with the consequence of that choice. Something they were avoiding the whole time, perhaps out of concern for their relationship with B. With the cat out of the bag, the consequence of A’s action is something both of them have to deal with. A experiences the hurt of B’s action that led to fight and later hurt over making B feel bad. On the other hand, B would experience a sense of betrayal. They would think, “If that’s how they felt this whole time, why didn’t they say it before” and would force them to re-evaluate their relationship with A until they get over the fallout of the fight.

So, who is to blame? Who is hurt more? Was A’s outburst justified? Many questions arise. However, without complete knowledge of what the sacrifice was, it is difficult to ascertain. Maybe A hinted to B the damage caused to them by the sacrifice, but B didn’t understand. Maybe B didn’t express to A how grateful they were over the sacrifice (no selfless act is done without the expectation of gratitude). Maybe A should have explained their situation to B earlier in a calmer way. Regardless of the situation, without completely understanding the situation, it is impossible to judge either of the two.

The reason I brought this example up was to attempt to understand what impact the irrationality of human emotion has on coming to terms with the consequences of one’s choices. These are visible most clearly with regards to larger choices. The impact it has on both the person who made the choice and the people around them is something that I find very interesting to look at and understand. So while coming to terms with consequences of smaller choices is easier and less dangerous, it is the choices with greater magnitude that tell you about how people react under extreme emotions and gives us an insight into them as people. With this, I come to the end of this little rant about my fascination with human choices.